Dating a short woman
So, contrary to popular belief, my dating life on the whole has actually been more successful after transition than it was before, as a cis gay man.
And since I also have a wider frame, I've always felt a bit stockier than I'd like.It's a part of myself I've fought, manipulated, resented, and struggled to embrace for over half of my life.So when people inevitably criticize me for taking men's comments about my height too personally, I'm the first to agree. And I haven't worked this hard to love my body for some guy to nonchalantly tell me how to feel about it over a gin and tonic.And as I got older, more and more men I dated would comment on it: "I love how I can pick you up," "You're so cute and little," and even, "I'm only dating Chaya-sized girls from now on." I got rid of him shortly after.One even said explicitly, "I feel so manly with you." It's sort of been a firsthand exercise in how a lot of guys associate traits they see as childlike with femininity — they equate my height with an overall smallness, and that then makes them feel "big," playing into a traditionally desirable gender binary and power structure between men and women.Or guys can also be completely dismissive once they see me in person and say, "You seem much taller in your photos" or "I didn't realize how short you were until you got off that stool." I recently had one guy actually look over my head to see if the person he was meeting was someone else besides me. But of course in a completely contradictory way, I'm usually attracted to men who are much, much taller than I am.
So I guess opposites attract, or I just enjoy the awkward interactions/comical antics of doing activities with someone much taller than I? Standing out (physically) my whole life has led me to be much more confident and fearless of being different. There are definitely a lot of great guys who only see six feet as one small part of who I am.
But I don't understand why people think it's OK to shamelessly put down other women who are taller or bigger than I am.
Every "amazon" and "giant" these men compare me to — they are PEOPLE. So when men reassure me that I'm not "too tall," it isn't flattering — it's infuriating.
While some people find that their height doesn't impact dating at all, others may feel that it allows for judgment, fetishization, and stereotyping.
In a society where there are ideals of femininity and masculinity, it can be difficult for individuals who don't fit neatly into those boxes.
However, I also deal with so many ignorant men who make a huge deal about my height, probably to bury their own insecurity or intimidation.